Summer is here.
If you work outside, even the shade can be an oven.
If you work inside, chances are you have year-end deadlines, holiday sales to conduct, or new regulations to learn.
Coworkers are taking vacations.
Everyone is doing double-duties while some other guy gets away.
Kids are all under foot unless you have a new routine to keep them supervised.
And in the middle of all of this hustle comes the Fourth of July, with cascading skyrockets and the "pop bang pop" in the night sky.
We love good picnic food, friends, and family gathering to share the festivities.
But at many parties, someone, maybe you, could be simply too wound up to enjoy it.
Maybe your spouse or partner has a "talent" for breaking your last straw.
Maybe the heat and entertaining everyone else is too much.
Whatever the reason, you're as explosive as the fireworks.
One minute, you're serving potato salad the next you're screaming uncontrollably.
Maybe you had some alcohol, maybe not.
Maybe this is the anniversary of another blow up and someone else is looking for payback.
The reasons are as varied as the people losing their tempers are.
But I want you to know this: it is not your fault.
And you can do something constructive about it.
Initially, my clients often describe their blow-ups as triumphs instead of disasters.
They blame others who are just as much in the dark as my clients had been about what to do.
It's a lonely existence.
So, they build walls of protection to hide behind.
They often deny there's anything wrong because, "People don't really care.
" And the angry person lives in a plexi-glass tube, walking through life looking at other people who seem happy.
I used to live like that because I really didn't know what to do to make it change.
I was miserable, powerless, undirected, and desperate for answers.
Holidays were a chore.
And as my kids got older and became more socially involved, what was I teaching them? To be miserable? To hate me? To make other people miserable? The hard and sad answer was "Yes" to all the above.
I had to change.
I knew that I had to deal with my feelings better and that there were some unresolved feelings that I had to control.
But before I could control them, I had to understand them and me, better.
To understand our behavior we must define how we think about our problems, ourselves, and other people.
This is important because it sets up our expectations, and our patterns of behavior.
Once we know what and how we think, we can explore what makes us think that way.
This leads us to discover what we believe about ourselves and the world we live in.
If you try to change your thinking without understanding what you believe, you will be putting a band-aid on a broke leg.
Through understanding your thinking and beliefs you open the door to trying new behaviors.
These new behaviors will generate different responses than you might have experienced before.
But they are no magic bullet.
Many times people around us won't trust behaviors we try to change.
They resist our efforts to become better people because they feel out of control.
This often sabotages people's efforts to make healthy changes.
And this is why a good Certified Anger Resolution Therapist is important to your progress.
If you are working to change your thinking, beliefs, behavior, and the way you experience other people, you are on your way to progress.
But just like you can't learn karate from a book, you cannot learn behavior changes without proper coaching and direction.
You need the support and experience of a good therapist and preferably one who is experienced with anger, not depression.
No great achievement is ever accomplished in isolation.
Become part of a team.
Find a local Anger Resolution Therapist and start working toward your goals of a peaceful, productive, and loving life.